Monday, October 15, 2012

babysitter mom and mom guilt

I'm like a babysitter with my kids--you know--when you would babysit, you plop the kid(s) in front of the tv and hope they are content and stay quiet until the parents get back home.  You just watch the kids--no playing with the kids.  You do what you have to do to make sure the kids are taken care of to make some spending money.

This is how I feel with my kids lately (not the spending money part...but the rest)...

too much computer time
too much tv time for the kids
not enough one on one interaction
me looking forward to my time at work (away from the kids) a little too much
short fuse
no patience
short cuts with meals
not loving on Emma as much
making over Molly while Emma watches (wishing I would do the same to her)
doing just what I need to do to get by

I went back and re-read this post I wrote right around when Emma was the age Molly is now.  I needed those reminders.  You know how much it breaks my heart to over hear Emma telling Tim, "Mommy is grumpy today."

My beautiful, sweet girls...I am so undeserving of their unconditional love!

I'm in a mom-rut
rut according to Merriam-Webster is defined as, "A fixed, usually boring routine".

I tend to get stuck in this rut every so often.  Feeling like a bad mom and having to give myself a little pep talk.  The mom-guilt is overwhelming sometimes.  It puts a lump in my throat every time the guilt creeps in.
I don't think I will ever measure up to the kind of mom the girls deserve. 
...and in steps GRACE.  God made my girls full of grace.  They were made in His image, right?  Full of grace ready to forgive. 

I need to be more in the moment, tv off, computer put away, on the floor, with my girls.  I don't want them to look back and have memories of a mom who just "watched" them...I want them to remember a mom who pretended with them, read with them, was there for them when they needed me.  I don't want to take any time with my kids for granted.

~My sweet Emma and Molly~
I promise...
to not just watch you play but to play with you
to read to you more
to play eye spy
to get dirty with you
to be there for you always
to show you half the grace you show me
to love you without end.

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