Thursday, March 15, 2012

In the pit...

When I was a new Christian I had this burning love for the Lord...I have lost that
I'm not sure when it happened and what happened along the way...but I feel empty
My Bible is dusty
I'm no longer involved with BSF
We go to church once a best
the fact that my kids hate the nursery is no excuse not to go
I'm only being held accountable by one person...and she's about to give up on me

you see, this has happened before...

Why hasn't God given up on me? Why doesn't He just kick me to the curb and move on? With the lack of conviction in my heart for the above listed items--why doesn't He leave me in this pit where I belong?

I'm in charge of two little hearts whose soil is fertile...but the seeds have not been planted
I'm responsible to sow the seeds
to show them Jesus...
and I haven't
their place in eternity rests in my hands

I know my place in eternity is secure...but theirs isn't. Why don't I feel like time is of the essence? Maybe because I wasn't saved until I was in my 20's? Still...that's no excuse. They need to see me in God's Word...breathing it, living it, being it.

When I was a new Christian I could not get enough of Bible study, women's conferences, Christian concerts...feeding my soul

All that has taken a back what?
worldly things...
things that won't get me (or my girls) to Heaven
things I can't take with me
things that cause me to stumble
and when I stumble, He is there...but I don't thank Him, I don't ask Him for help
when I stumble I'm on my knees...the perfect place to pray...but I don't
if I keep stumbling, I will eventually lose sight of Him all together
this pit will get deeper and darker

Why does He keep pursuing me? What am I worth to Him....
He who is EVERYTHING and I who am nothing

How many times will He forgive me?

“But where sin increased, grace increased all the more.”
Romans 5:20

How long will he keep pursuing me?

"While you were doing all these things, declares the LORD, I spoke to you again and again, but you did not listen; I called you, but you did not answer."
Jeremiah 7:13

"As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness."
Ezekiel 34:12

I'm a work in progress...will be until the day He calls me home...but I can do better

Lord...please reignite my love for you...

my soul is starved...

Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."


Melinda said...

That's the wonderful thing with God no matter what he's there in the quiet even when we put him on the shelf and say "tomorrow" and our tomorrows stretch on and on but when we open up our hearts he's there just like he was waiting for us, wanting us, loving us. You are an awesome momma and your girls are going to love God and his people because of the care and love that you show for others.

Lamentations 3:22-23(NIV)
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Let right now be a new morning and even if your not getting into the word yourself make it part of your bedtime routine to read a Bible story even some of the "simple" things that are in kids Bibles can have a profound impact on our relationship with God.

And above all big hugs, praying that you find some food for your soul :)

Misty said...

I know that this isn't about me, but I needed this! So thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Wilson Ramblings said...

Hey friend... He won't let you go... He loves you too much! If you wanna talk, chat, be real... you have my email. Praying for you!!!